K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
