Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
