I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
