I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
