why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
