There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
They took my balls.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
