Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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