you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
