I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
