i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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