You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
