did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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