Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I understand Curling. That high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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