I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
