i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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