I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
