i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
