you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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