did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
