hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
