If i come over, it means nothing
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
