We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
