I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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