I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
