We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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