dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
