do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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