Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
