so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
