he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
