Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
