she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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