You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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