I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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