There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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