heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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