I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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