so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
