Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
