i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
