Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
