too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
operation have a gay friend backfired
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
