wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
