VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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