We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
