ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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