Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
