dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
