Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's blow job season.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
