I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
