smell my finger.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
