During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
