there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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