you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we made out on top of his cat.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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