I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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