Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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