My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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