Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
