Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
