If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
