i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
