She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
