capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
