Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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