isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
