I'm drive I can fine osifer
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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