This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
