I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Found the puke drawer
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
