plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
