So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
