not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
