just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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