my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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